I had read many times that men and women are different – physically and mentally. Sometimes my analytical side kicks in and I wonder how mentally different can we really be? We are all human! We all have problems to solve…that maybe we should mentally be categorized by personality types and not gender.
Well, I was leaning towards that conclusion until something happened last week…
Andrew, my boyfriend, and I wanted to visit with his Mom and her boyfriend (Bob the real estate agent) to discuss the best method of selling Andrew’s house. Saturday night, we were planning on driving up to the city where his Mom and Bob live.
Little more info: All three of us (Andrew, his Mom and I) live in different cities. Andrew lives the farthest away and it was his weekend to come to my house.
Andrew called me the Thursday before and said he had mentioned to his Mom that maybe it would be a better idea for them to come to MY HOUSE for dinner – but that he would have to check with me first.
I stood there, blinking with a handful of tissue as I was just getting over a cold, wondering if I had just heard him correctly.
I told him I was just not up to entertaining – plus my house was a mess – but how could I say NO as he had already told his Mom the idea?
He said it was no big deal…that he would tell his Mom that we would come up Saturday to her house.
I told him that she would probably be insulted and feel like she was not welcome in my house. It would be different if we could tell her we had other plans but obviously that would be a lie as we are going to her house instead.
I felt like I was put in an awkward situation where I had to say yes. I couldn’t risk offending his Mom as she could be a part of my life for a long time to come.
We got into an argument because he said it was no big deal to tell his Mom no and I told him it was a big deal – if I was in his Mom’s shoes, I would be offended as we have gone to his Mom’s house many times and she had never been to my house.
Then Andrew announces, “Then it must be A GIRL THING! Would it have been better if I just told them to come over and didn’t check with you?”
You can imagine my response. I realized we were wasting our time trying to figure out who was right and who was wrong so I told him that we had to figure out what we are going to do.
It was not worth possibly offending his Mom so we decided to have them over for dinner. We would get a frozen lasagna and garlic bread – and I would clean like a crazy woman.
Side note: They came over that Saturday evening and we had a great time. Andrew does have a great family and I am thankful for that – but that was not the issue.
The following morning, Andrew and I got into a repeat discussion about how the situation even came about. I tried again to explain that his Mom would know that I had said no as Andrew was all for them coming to my house – and that put me in an awkward situation.
I asked him not to volunteer me for things regarding his family unless he ASKS ME FIRST – or we would be having this discussion again.
We finally agreed to disagree. Andrew is convinced that it must be a girl/guy difference as he still doesn’t understand my point. He believes I could have said no and no one would have been offended.
This made me turn to my female friends and co-workers. I told them the situation and they all agreed with me…that his Mom would have been offended had I said no – but maybe I influenced them as I was the one asking the question.
Difference between men and women?
This makes me wonder…Would it have been different if we were inviting his Dad over? Is it a guy/girl difference? Does it take more to offend a male? I would love to hear readers comments as the jury is still out on this issue for me…What would you have done if you were in this situation?